Mother's wear lots of hats. We are chauffeurs, cooks, housekeepers, toxic waste removers (i.e. diapers), psychologists, teachers, disciplinarians and so much more. Last week, in getting ready for Drew's annual IEP meeting (for those of you who don't know an IEP is the annual education plan for a child who requires extra support in school), I was thinking about all those different things that I do for my children and how, for my special need's child, there are a few extra, unique hats that I wear.
For both of my children, I do some public relations, if you will. Helping them navigate new or sticky social situations but really more so for Drew. His entire academic career, I have tried to volunteer in his class or show up at lunch here and there because for one thing, it gives me an opportunity to field questions from the other kids. One of my personal favorites back in 1st grade was, "where did you get him?" I have often wondered that same thing myself.
Another way I can help him socially is to point out to the other kids how despite the obvious differences, in a lot of ways, Drew is just like them. Once at lunchtime, I was chatting to the kids sitting around Drew and one boy seemed shocked to learn that Drew played baseball. The boy played baseball and it seemed to rock his world in a way to learn that Drew did that same thing.
About a month ago I stopped in to have lunch with my guy and as I was wedging my 6 foot frame into the child sized picnic-type lunch table, I heard the girl across from Drew say to another girl, "THAT is Drew's mom? She is really pretty!" While I was flattered, I also had to laugh at how surprised this girl sounded that Drew could come from normal looking people.
See, public relations at work.
Through our navigating this special needs world and trying to find answers and diagnosises earlier on, I have also played the role of gatekeeper of all that information. More so in the past but there have been countless therapists, specialists, doctors, psychologists all, with good intentions mind you, yamming in my ear about what he can and can't do in the present and sometimes with some dire sounding predictions for the future. My job is to sift through all of that and decide which parts make sense or matter for my son and for how we approach things with him.
I also get to play gatekeeper to all the comments and platitudes that people throw my way in an effort to try and make sense, mostly for themselves I think, of a child with disabilities. I can't tell you how many times I have heard how I have been "blessed" by God in being given a child with special needs and how much that makes me feel like people are really minimizing the whole situation or trying to give me some sort of consolation prize. Or how much any comment that has the phrasing "those kids" in it drives me batty.
Another big role I play for Drew is advocating for him or if you want to make it sound much more snazzy than it really is, you could say I am his agent. Just last week I sat down with 7 people from the school district and we worked through what Drew's education plan for next year will be. This is my big opportunity to make sure Drew gets the support that he needs in order for him to contine to be educated. I fully represent him and his best interest in these meetings.
"My client will have 30 minutes of direct speech therapy a week. My client will not be left unsupported in the general education classroom. My client wants only orange Skittles in his classroom cubby."
Something like that.
Yeah, there are some extra hats involved in parenting a special needs child but I think of how amazing that boy is and despite the hard moments, he is worth the extra weight of those additional hats.
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